I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
