I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
