i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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