He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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