Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize