I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
