Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're like the curious george of whores
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
