i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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