My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
