bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
