I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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