I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
