She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize