i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
