Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
