It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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