I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
