bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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