He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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