Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize