I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
