Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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