Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
