Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
