somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
