I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
