careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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