why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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