He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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