To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
