last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cut my penus on the lid.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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