Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
