Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
