It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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