So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
