JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
