i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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