I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As shirtless as possible
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
