Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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