Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
