The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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