so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
