The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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