What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize