Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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