I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
