i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
