My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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