We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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