Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
