i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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