So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I sprained my soul last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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