It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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