the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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