Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
