Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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