Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
