Is it normal to miss your booty call?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
