If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
