are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize