I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
