i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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