you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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