She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
