i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
