Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
