I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
