I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
