You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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