When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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