I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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