Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
