So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize