just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ruined the universe
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
