what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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