From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
