i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All the doctor said was why
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
