i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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