U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
