yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
