Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...so i touched it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
