it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's shark week go big or go home
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
