nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
