Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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