There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
