weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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