Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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