If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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