No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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