I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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