Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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