he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
