He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
