No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
