you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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