turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
