This is not my ceiling
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
