If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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