I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
