Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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