i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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