Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
