Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
