dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
