There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
