I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
