Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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