just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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