Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
