hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
