As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
