i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
home. puking in laundry basket.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
