My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
