this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
